|"I don't recall Superman wearing a jacket?!"|
One of our very favorite bits is where he talks about trick-or-treating and his relentless pursuit--as a child--of candy. He describes the incredulity a kid experiences when he learns about Halloween, "Who is giving out candy? Everyone we know is just GIVING OUT CANDY?!" He talks about finding the perfect costume. He explains the general Halloween mantra of children: "Get candy, get candy, get candygetcandygetcandy!" I can't do it justice...you should just watch it.
Anyway, my sis and I recite that bit ad nauseam. Probably due to--as Mr. Seinfeld phrases it--our "candy moron idiot brains."
|Buyer's remorse in a bag|
I don't know if it's the sugary scents or the riotous colors peeking out of the plastic--maybe it's just the promise of a wild assortment of treats--but I am instantly rendered idiotic in the candy aisle. I walk in front of the cart, dropping bag after bag into the basket. Jay quietly takes them out and puts them back on the shelf as I'm searching for the next one. Sometimes I just wander off on my own, eventually finding my way back to the cart, arms stacked high with packages. Jay will tip his head to the side and say "Emmy. Really. Let's just get one." And then I pretend-pout and bargain, "How about two?"
It's important that I mention...we live in an apartment. I'm not worried about generosity toward costumed kiddos at the end of October. I'm worried about me. Me. And my love of candy. Today. In September.
We made it out of the store relatively unscathed today...a bag for home and a bag for the office. But not without a way-more-serious-than-it-should-have-been conversation about which assortment containing Milk Duds was coming home with us. It took us 3 full minutes to choose between the Milk Duds/Kit Kats/Whoppers mix and the Milk Duds/Reeses Pieces/Whoppers/Jolly Rancher Lolly Pops mix. You would have thought we were picking a retirement account or adopting a dog.
Candy moron idiot brains, indeed.