Perseverance

Almost 2 months ago, I wrote about how I was planning on spending plenty of time in 2012 volunteering with Minnesotans United for All Families. Here's a little update:

I spent almost 15 hours volunteering in January...and if February goes the way I've planned, I'll finish out the month just shy of 40 hours. My once-a-week commitment to phone-banking has blossomed into two or three shifts each week. Sometimes I make phone calls. Sometimes I actually get to train other volunteers and support them while they make phone calls. I enjoy (and feel like I'm better at) the latter rather than the former.

But it's all critical work, and I'm glad to do whatever I can to make a difference.

There are two kinds of phone banks (thus far): we're either calling known supporters and asking them if they'd like to come in and volunteer...or we're calling undecided voters and asking them about how they feel about gay marriage and the proposed constitutional amendment. Although cold-calling strangers is never a walk in the park (at least for some of us), let's just say I'm more comfortable soliciting volunteers than I am chatting up voters.

But--like I said before--it's all critical work, and I'm glad to do whatever I can to make a difference.

That being said, phone banking was pretty tough tonight. Not Freedom Rides tough or Bloody Sunday tough--lest anyone think I'm not keeping history in perspective--but tough, nonetheless.

I feel wimpy complaining about the stress of talking to strangers on the phone.

I mean, all things considered, this is pretty risk-free work. But it is emotional and exhausting work. It is discordant and polarizing work. In one moment, you're hearing someone say that they absolutely will vote against the amendment...that there is no room in our state constitution for hate and discrimination. And then during the very next call, you have someone tell you that gay marriage is wrong and against their religious beliefs. It's highs and lows. Peaks and valleys. Heartening and disheartening. One conversation after another. After another. After another.

Wanna volunteer?

I dialed the phone 38 times tonight. I had 10 people flat-out refuse to talk to me, upon hearing the words, "I'm a volunteer with Minnesotans United for All Families and we're talking to voters about their opinion on marriage for gay and lesbian couples today."

"No thank you. I don't want to talk about that."

"I'm going to stop you right there...that's a private matter."

I did, however, end up in conversations with 9 Minnesotans. 4 of them told me they would likely/definitely oppose the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, 2 of them were undecided, and 3 of them would likely/definitely support the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.

The folks who were against the constitutional amendment...the folks joining so many of us in pledging to VOTE NO in November...say things like "I can't even believe we have to talk about this in our state!" They tell stories about friends and neighbors and coworkers and siblings. Even their own children. They talk about love and the importance of strong relationships. They say, "It's time."

The folks who are in favor of the constitutional amendment...the folks who want to ban gay marriage...talk about tradition and religious beliefs and "normal" and "that's just the way it should be" and "civil unions are good enough."

We ask folks to talk about their own relationships and tell us what their marriage means to them. We try to listen carefully and demonstrate affirmation and appreciation for this very personal sharing. Because it truly is generous for people to talk about their most cherished relationship. And then we say things like, "Don't you think that gay and lesbian people feel the same way about the people they love?" and "I don't know too many people who would trade their marriage for a domestic partnership." We ask "Why is it important that gay and lesbian couples have something different than "traditional" marriage?"

Sometimes you can hear people wrestling with the questions...sometimes they'll even talk to you about it.

Other times they won't. Tonight, a woman graciously told me all about why she has loved her husband all these years. And when I asked her, "Don't you think gay and lesbian people feel the same way about the people they love?" there was a huge pause.

And then she said, "No."

And hung up the phone.

Sigh.

I shouldn't sound so doom-and-gloom though.

For what would be my last phone call of the evening, I dialed a 76-year-old woman in town about an hour outside of the Twin Cities (population just over 1,000). Honestly, I was hoping she wouldn't even pick up the phone, as I hadn't had a lot of luck with her age-bracket/geographical region in the previous 37 calls. But answer, she did.

"Hi! My name is Emily and I'm a volunteer with Minnesotans United for All Families," I said...going through my introductory spiel, finally getting to, "Which of the following is closest to your point of view..."

I gave her the list of options.

"Well...you know...I haven't thought about this yet today," she said.

"Would you like to think about it right now...with me?" I asked.

"Sure," she said.

And we went on to have a good 7-10 minute conversation about all her thoughts on the matter. About how she didn't think gay and lesbian people should be able to be married, but about how there should be some protections and rights. About how she doesn't think anyone "chooses" to be gay...that's just how people are. About how it doesn't seem right to ban things...she "may not agree with some things, but that's no reason to write it in the constitution." Just when I'd think she had said all she wanted to say, she'd keep voicing more thoughts...wrestling with more ideas. She was refuting all sorts of her own previous assumptions...there's this but then there's that...there's that but then there's this. She didn't even need me anymore.

But she didn't seem to want to get off the phone either. Finally, she took a breath.

"So," I asked, "would you support or oppose the amendment to ban marriage for gay and lesbian couples?"

"I'll oppose it," she said.

"And will you share all the thoughts you shared with me with your friends and family?" I asked.

"Absolutely," she said.

Sigh.

There's nothing like ending the night on a high note, huh?

And that call...with that 76-year-old woman in a small town in greater Minnesota is why I do this. For every few people who refuse to talk to me, there is someone like her. Not only did she talk to me, but I know she'll keep talking about this issue with people in her life. She may have thought about this issue for the first time today, but I can tell that it won't be the last.

And that's the whole point of this critical, state-wide conversation. It's about Minnesotans talking to Minnesotans. It's about talking to our friends and family. It's about getting to the heart of why people truly want to be married. It's about commitment. It's about love.

Constitutional bans of gay marriage have been successful in all other 29 states in which they have been proposed. But not here. Not in our state.

It's about commitment.

It's about love.

It's about time.

Sofas & Couches & Davenports, Oh My!

Just in case you've been unable to sleep at night, wondering about the state of our home-buying adventure, here's an update:

We're still waiting.

And we're fine with it...

...most days.

We made it through the holidays, happy to just relax with our families...glad not to add the hassles of home-buying into what is already a hectic season. And I spent most of January being all fired up about my new-found cooking abilities. But when the calendar flipped over to February, I flipped out a little bit. "FIVE MONTHS," I told our realtor. "We've been waiting for five months! For something they essentially agreed to in 12 days. We accepted the bank's modification of our initial offer in twelve days! Why are we still waiting!? Wouldn't it be better for the sputtering housing industry if this was all wrapped up as quickly as possible?!"

EXCLAMATION POINTS!?!

QUESTION MARKS?!?

"Logic is of absolutely no use when dealing with short sales," she told me, in her patient, sweet voice. "The signs have all pointed in the right direction. There haven't been any setbacks. We have reason to be cautiously optimistic. But it could all still fall apart in the end. For absolutely no reason."

Sigh.

The good news is that we haven't seen anything we like better...at least not for anywhere near the price that we'll (hopefully) be paying for our place. The good news is that when I look through the 70+ photos I have (from the MLS listing and our second tour of the house back in October), I still can't imagine living anywhere else. And I even found an old website that someone put together one of the last times the house was on the market...with all sorts of history and photos and details about the house that we didn't really know. It's a great house. It is absolutely worth the wait.

And God bless whoever took out all the wall-to-wall carpeting on the main level. Uff da. God bless the heck out of them.

Anyway, we're being as calm as we can.

We still do get a little twitchy and yell-y from time to time. We're trying to be patient. We're not always successful. For example, on a recent trip to Best Buy, I lashed out at Jay about how "TVs will never be on sale at these prices again!" And I sifted through today's Sunday paper, lamenting the fact that we're missing all the good President's Day sales. Because what better way is there to honor our Commanders in Chief, past and present, than by purchasing a deeply discounted sectional sofa?

Sigh.

Speaking of sectional sofas, I am not lying one bit when I tell you that the thing I am most excited to purchase for our new home? An awesome couch. The be-all and end-all of davenports. A sofa extraordinaire.

Is this odd? Is this a totally abnormal obsession? I'm not worried about finding the perfect piece of art for the wall facing the entryway (which is a really prominent and important part of the house). I'm not worried about finding room for all of Jay's action figures/comic books/nerd games ephemera. And I'm not even worried that the oven will likely need to be replaced in the not-too-distant future. Rumor even has it that TVs will go on sale again.

But the couch...THE COUCH!! How will we find the perfect couch?

It will need to evoke a sense of mid-century modern, while still being comfy enough for afternoon naps. It will need to rise to the challenge of movie nights with lots of friends, while still being cozy enough for solitary Sunday crossword puzzles. It will need to be fabricked with bright and bold and interesting materials, while still being forgiving of spilled beverages and greasy fingers and crumbly crumbs.

The couch. Oh, God, the couch!

I feel committed to a sectional sofa...something onto which we can all pile. So we can all have our own space, while still being together. Something that will hold dogs and kids and quilts and books. Something communal and substantial. Something we can all sink deep down into...something that will hold us up and hold us close when the rest of the world just seems cold and unreasonable.

Is that too much to ask from a piece of furniture?

I don't think so either.

Of all the decisions I've made in my life, this could be the weightiest. Thankfully, the folks at NPR seem to understand my reverence for this icon of American furniture. Check out their wonderful little love-letter to the sofa.

What's your sofa story, my tens and tens of readers? Is it an important part of your house? An afterthought? A hand-me-down? A sizable investment? Mostly for decoration? Or mostly for comfort?

Anyone Can Cook!

Photo from chucktv.net

There's a recurring line in my beloved (and flailing through it's finale the other week) show, Chuck, where, after downloading a government super-spy program into his brain, regular-guy Chuck Bartowski is suddenly able to do Kung Fu. Like a mofo, this guy can take out all sorts of bad guys...even though moments earlier he had absolutely no kung-fu-like tendencies. Upon gaining these abilities and then immediately taking out like 6 guys, he stammers, in a tone that conveys lots of shock and a little bit of pride, "Guys...I know Kung Fu."

Um...guys...I know how to cook.

And I love it.

And I'm really quite decent at it. So decent, in fact, that since Christmas, I've tried at least 15 relatively-simple-yet-new-to-me recipes...many that I'd proudly and confidently serve for dinner, if you called and announced you were coming over tomorrow night. Spice-rubbed pork tenderloin and quinoa with corn and shallots? Easy-peasy and so delicious. Moroccan-style chicken tagine on couscous? Awesome. And even better warmed up for lunch the next day. Mushroom, corn and poblano tacos topped with queso fresco? Jay says he may never eat at Chipotle again.

I've got a wild rice soup recipe that will make you long for snow days...and a chicken pot pie recipe that should qualify me to be someone's grandmother. I'm not even kidding.

To what do I owe this recent barrage of culinary triumph? A good system. And good/idiot-proof recipes. Turns out, cooking isn't all that tough...especially if you plan ahead. As my always truthful and ultra-kitchen-ologically-adept office neighbor says, "That's the big secret...cooking is pretty easy. People just like to brag and make it sound much harder than it really is." Wise, that one. "Baking, on the other hand," she added, "...now that takes talent."

So I've been paging through huge stacks of Food Network Magazine back-issues. I've been getting it since it debuted. And I've never made a thing from it. I've also been scouring my new issues of Cooking Light. Not only are both of these magazines beautiful and delightful to read, they have a delectable range of healthy-to-not-as-healthy recipes, as well as a hearty helping of ideas for weeknight cooking. I sift through each magazine (stack of recipe cards at the ready) and only copy down the things that I know Jay and I would both enjoy eating...AND things that are easy enough to make on a weeknight. Everything else just gets a post-it note. Then we pick out the meals for the week and design our grocery shopping around the featured dishes. I know this isn't rocket science...I know everyone else has been doing this for eons...but I'm excited about it!

I'm still not anywhere near boldly going where no chef has gone before. And I can't even imagine making up my own recipe. In fact, everything I've made is carefully culled from the "weeknight cooking" sections of my two favorite (and aforementioned) magazines. But I'm chopping with confidence and seasoning with zest. I've even made a couple adjustments on the fly...and guess what? Dinner survived!

The best part of it all is when Jay, upon taking the first bite, furrows his brow while raising his eyebrows and stammers (through a full mouth of food), "Wow. That is so good!" I can tell when he's faking it...and he hasn't been. I also love it when he brings his plate to the sink at the end of the meal, looks at me with sleepy eyes born of a warm, full tummy and says, "Gosh do I love you." Though he would swear it isn't possible, I think he loves me a little bit more than he used to.

I feel a little silly being so excited about something as mundane as making dinner. But this has been a huge transformation for us. So I'm celebrating and being excited about stuff all the rest of you have always done! It's quite a bit of time and effort to get lunches and dinners organized for the week...but WOW it is worth it. What a difference this has made!

So to those of you who are seasoned veterans of the kitchen, I salute you! And to those of you who can't yet tell a leek from a scallion, I encourage you to join me in a new adventure. If the last few weeks have proven anything, it is that, truly, anyone can cook!

Remy's mentor was right...

Standing Desks

You know the people who get hooked on fad diets or fad workouts or some stupid super-food? And they won't shut up about it? You know...the people always breathlessly interjecting about how you just have to try the latest sweat-lodge-kettle-bell workout...but not until you've slammed a Greek-yogurt-quinoa-and-pomegranate-seed smoothie?

I'm turning into one of those people...except my zealous crusade is to promote the wonders of the standing desk.

You guys!

[breathless interjecting]

You have to figure out a way to convert your crappy sitting desk into a life-altering standing desk!

(Gasp! Gasp! Gasp!)

It's the best thing ever!

(Gasp! Gasp! Gasp!)

It will change your life!

[passes out]

I don't stand the entire day. Sometimes I get antsy and start pacing too much. Sometimes I find it hard to concentrate if I'm trying to generate lengthy swaths of original content for letters or reports or whatever. And sometime I'm just tired and I don't feel like it.

But for responding to email and the general coordination of garden-variety tasks...it's the best! It's a great way to kick off the day...or to fight the post-lunch sluggishness...or to finish the day on a strong note. I completely love it. I feel more productive and less likely to drift off and lose focus. I feel more alert and awake...and I often catch myself dancing along to whatever is playing on my iPod or The Current.

Here's the other thing we're learning (and probably should have known): sitting is awful for us. And standing just a little makes a big difference. I noticed it right away...physically, I felt fantastic...it makes such a difference in how my body feels every day. Especially when I feel tired. The days when I think I'm too tired to stand? Those are the days when it helps the most.

So once you finish reading this, see what you can do to elevate your workstation.

It doesn't have to be anything particularly sophisticated (real standing desks cost thousands of dollars...likely not going to happen in many of our workplaces), and let's face it, anything is better than nothing. While it would be ideal to have one of the desks that can be adjusted with the touch of a button, I rarely have to switch from standing to sitting (or back again) with any sort of expediency. So I took a couple old textbooks and elevated my monitor (I can still slide the screen higher when I'm standing)...and then I set my keyboard and mouse (and To-Do list, etc.) on old paper boxes. It's not fancy, but wow is it fabulous!

I hope you'll give it a try in your own office...try it for fun...try it for your health...just promise me you'll try it. I'll be excited to know what you think!