June 12: Just Say Yes

What was the best decision you ever made?
(Niki)

"Best decision I ever made"...on a recurring basis? Listening to these two people:

"Best decision I ever made"...based on an answer to a single question? Saying yes to this guy:

Reverb Catch-Up: June 8 - 11

For reasons I can't quite identify, I've been going through big bouts of "I'm not gonna cuz I don't wanna" on the weekends. Call it months of dissertating and packing and moving and defending and unpacking. Call it the little-kid-temper-tantrum reaction to all the things we have  to do for the house...which are also things we want to do, but wow do they add up, weekend after weekend. Call it a desperate need for a stay-cation.

So much for "perfect attendance" in Reverb Broads Blogging. Oh wait. I haven't cared about perfect attendance in like 30 years.

So here we go...a few things:

June 8: What are your favorite decorative items/pieces of furniture/household features? (Kristen)

I'm going to ask for a mulligan on this one. Being a new home owner, I've been planning one of these posts for awhile now. Sort of à la Kassie's cribs posts. So when the new couch gets here, and I take some good photos of the gardens, and we hang some things on the walls...then I'll do this post. There's so much to talk about...but I want to wait and really do it justice. Prideful? Perhaps. So be it.

June 9: What skill have you learned in the past year that you are proud of? (Bethany)

Cooking. I've way ramped up my fledgling kitchen skills. I'm really excited about it. And currently, my green-thumbed parents are turning me into a gardener. I love it. I've become super possessive of my plants...yelling at assorted rodentia and obsessively checking on a recently relocated plant...spending all sorts of time fostering him through his tough transition. I feel like this is all worthy of its own post as well. Some day.

June 10: What was your hardest parenting or partner moment? (Dana)

The house stuff was hard. Loss of family members is hard. Family illnesses are hard. Work stuff is hard. I share a lot in this blog...baring my soul about many things. This, however, is one area where I prefer to be a little more private. Not because there is anything sordid or scandalous (disappointing, huh?)...but just because I feel like some things don't need their own e-record. This topic as a one-on-one conversation? Sure. This conversation publicized out into the e-ether? Pass. :)

June 11: If you were to play hooky from work today, what would you do instead? (Krissy)

Oooh! That's an easy one...I'd sleep in, drink lots of coffee, not shower, quilt, and watch Bourne/Bond/Ocean's movies all day. I mean technically, to do that, I'd have to have my quilting area all set up and we're not quite there yet. So my day of hooky would end up being spent with more unpacking/home organizing. But in a magical world where all the boxes were empty, that's what I'd be doing...I'd be quilting. If I was playing hooky for a few days (with a healthy hooky day cash subsidy), I'd take a trip to Gruber's so I could stock up on new fabric. Because, you know, I've only got like a dozen of those14-gallon plastic totes...completely full of fabric and unfinished quilts. But this is my hooky day, gosh darn it, so I'm gonna make the most of it. 

Speaking of making the most of it, did you read Mary's post about "calling in cozy?" Brilliant idea, right?! Preferably this hooky day would be in the middle of a blizzard or on a delightfully rainy day. But they tell me beggars can't be choosers. Good thing I scheduled a couple days off between jobs next week. I may actually get to quilt one of these nights after all.

Lighting Candles: Bunny on the Tracks

You know that I've read the Velveteen Rabbit one too many times. And you know I'm into the anthropomorphism of "kids'" toys...big-time. So this adventure (posted on BoingBoing) totally lit up my afternoon.

After I got over my initial response of "OHMYGODPLEASETELLMETHEYSAVEDTHERABBIT!!!!!!" it was a totally heartwarming story.

Hold tight to your friends, folks.

June 7: Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

List 8 reasons it's okay to lie.

(Katrina)

I like how we need to think of 8 reasons. Not traditional list goals...like 5 or 10. But 8. I don't exactly know why, but it reminds me of this:

Anyway.

When is it okay to lie?

What you're reading right now is my third attempt at this post. The first one was a long and rambly (shocking, I know) attempt at parsing out when I lie and when I don't. The second attempt was ramble-free...it was just a list. But everything in the list really came back to one point. So here's the thing:

I'm real into honesty. But I'm also real into harmony and not hurting peoples' feelings. And while I'm not particularly fond of fibbing, I'll do it to keep the peace. In certain situations. Not all situations...not big, important situations...but certainly smaller ones. 

What it all boils down to is this: I often lie to protect other peoples' feelings. I realize this is pretty patronizing. People don't need me arbitrarily looking out for my perception of their best interest. But I do it anyway. My need to speak the truth rarely outweighs my desire to not hurt your feelings and not cause you any pain. If you ask me to give you the truth...if you say "let me have it...I really want to know," I'll really tell you. And I won't pull any punches. Hey, you asked. 

But if you're all like "Don't you just love my new purse?! I've been coveting it forever!!" and I think it's heinous, I'm not going to rain on your parade. Because why is honesty necessary in that situation? What does me saying something like, "That's not really my taste, but I'm glad you like it" accomplish? So I'll say, "HOORAY! I LOVE IT!" Even though I don't. And the world keeps turning. Purses are sort of a trite example. There are plenty of instances in which I will gladly sacrifice any sort of higher moral standing in regard to truth-telling in exchange for kindness and the preservation of good feelings. Is that so horrible?

Anyone who knows me, knows I have no trouble saying what I think...or calling it like I see it. I'm not afraid to disagree with anyone...especially about bigger issues that really matter (whatever "mattering" is). But I'll never be able to get on board with an "honesty is always the best policy" philosophy. Honesty is the the best policy most of the time and especially in really important situations? Sure. Fine.

But not always.

June 6: Jay's Summer Salad

Share a recipe or meal that is a summertime favorite. (Bonus: Pick someone else's recipe or meal and make it, then blog about your results later on this month).

(Amy)

GAH! The anxiety of sharing recipes! In public! With my tens and tens of readers!

I'm new to cooking. Or maybe not new to cooking...but new to feeling like a decent cook. So it's still a little scary to suggest recipes to others. And I don't really have any summertime favorites of my own...though I would suggest you stop by my mom and dad's house on a night they're grilling out. My dad can grill like crazy...and my mom is the best chef on the planet.

Although I can't offer you a tried-and-true Ronning-Mac Bride family favorite, I can offer this: Jay's Summer Salad! A simple blend of tomatoes, corn, avocado, mozzarella, olive oil, cilantro and lime juice. It is refreshing and simple to make.

Photo (and recipe) hijacked from
the Food Network Magazine's website.

And it has the sweet distinction of being the first new recipe I tried upon moving into our new house. Jay fell in love with it instantly. "Can we call it Summer Salad?" he asked. Who am I to quibble about titles when my husband is praising my feeble attempts at cooking. It's a new favorite in our new home.

Enjoy!

June 5: For Liberty. For Justice. For All.

Come up with a new Constitutional Amendment.

(Art and Soul)

I've always said (and this pre-dates my City Council days) that I want to enact a "Get-Your-Ass-Across-the-Street" Ordinance. Like for when people are walking too slowly in crosswalks or through parking lots...taking their own sweet-ass time...never mind what the rest of us are trying to accomplish or what traffic disasters we're all trying to avoid.

You go on ahead, dude. Don't you worry about the rest of us. We're just trying to make a left-hand turn in rush-hour traffic. No biggie.

But that's just a silly little local ordinance. And we're talking about higher levels of state and federal legislation. So back to the topic at hand: Constitutional Amendments.

Utopia looks something like this, right?

Ah, Constitutional Amendments. I can't think of anything that makes me angrier these days. In fact, I'm so jacked-up about Constitutional Amendments that I can't even play along nicely with this prompt. I can't think one up. Not even a silly one, like "All streets, in perpetuity, shall be paved with candy." I am so outraged by the way politicians are using Constitutional Amendments...all I can think to write about is what Constitutional Amendments should and should not be.

Here goes:

Constitutional Amendments should grant rights. They should never take them away. They should be about public good...for the entire public. Not just the part of the public with whom we are ideologically similar. We should never amend our most powerful governing documents to limit the civil rights of our fellow Americans. The majority should never, ever be allowed to vote* on the rights of the minority.

Constitutional Amendments should be based on facts and wisdom and intelligence. They should not be reactionary measures to emotional issues. We should not be--for example--making it harder for people to vote, especially when there is no actual evidence of significant, sustained voter fraud.

Constitutional Amendments should not be used in place of actual governance. They should not usurp the legislative process. I think that "putting it to the people" is cheap talk for "we couldn't get what we wanted, so we're going to act like this is about democracy." Especially in regard to fiscal issues. We should not be using the constitution to secure financing (or limit spending) over long periods of time. I feel this way, even when I agree with the designations for the earmarked funding.

I'm no constitutional law scholar. I don't pretend to be particularly knowledgeable about the intimate workings of the supreme laws of our state and federal governments. I just think that if we fought to give people rights at one point in time, we shouldn't legislate to take them away from others.

___________________________
*I'm not sure how it's done in other states, but in Minnesota you can't amend the constitution without putting it to a vote of the citizenry. So that's a good thing...it's not just in the hands of elected officials. The bad news is, the masses are (often) asses. Especially in regard to politically contentious issues. Sigh.

June 4: My Extensive Lexicon

What did people tease you about growing up?

(Niki)

Sorry, Ray Conifer

A couple Decembers ago, I came home at the end of the day and Jay was tending to the Christmas tree... pouring a tremendous amount of water into the tree stand. "I don't mean to impugn your arboreal stewardship," he said, "but I think you forgot to water the tree before you left this morning."

You know, it's impossible to get upset or defensive when someone points our your mistakes using such fantastically baroque language.

And who am I to judge anyway? According to the kids of New Richmond elementary and middle schools back in the 1980s, I had a pretty florid vocabulary myself.

I always got teased about how I used "big words." Apparently I was quite loquacious as a child. Perhaps it was my prolixity during show and tell? I have no idea.

Honestly, I never tried to be obnoxious about my vocabulary...it wasn't like I was choosing $5 words in an attempt to be cool or show anyone up. I mean let's face it, as a school-age kid there's not a lot of social capital to be gained from being labeled the smart kid. So who would go throwing "big words" into the mix, devaluing their own stock even more?

Not this kid.

I have, however, always enjoyed expanding my vocabulary. Maybe getting branded as a user of "big words" stuck with me, but in a good way? I love my thesaurus. I have freeonlinedictionary.com on my bookmark toolbar at home and at work. I love learning new words. Not patently ridiculous words... words that are useless or exaggerative. But words that you might actually use to beautify conversation... words that make you appreciate language... words that are just right for a given situation...

...words that make you chuckle when your arboreal stewardship is being impugned.

June 3: Inspiration for the Long Haul

Who are your role models?

(Dana)

I agree with Amy...I don't know that I think about a few specific people as my role models. I think I think about it like Kristen did in her post...thinking about what I learned from a whole variety of people. I wish I had the energy to make a big list like that tonight. I don't. So I think I'll save that post for another time...when I can really give it its due. I will say, however, the two people to whom I owe the most are my parents. I talked about that back in the first December 2011 Reverb post.

Tonight I want to do a little follow-up to an earlier post...mostly because I've been doing a lot of thinking about this person in the last 6 months. I don't know if I'd say I think of him as a role model...but he is someone whose story has inspired me and motivates me. Then again, maybe that's exactly what a role model is?

John Doar and President Barack Obama - May 29, 2012

Back in January, I wrote a post about John Doar. Mr. Doar grew up in the same town as me... though many decades before my time. After college and law school, he came back to work at his father's law practice. And then, in 1960, he went to work for the Justice Department and fought for voting rights in the South. Because of Mr. Doar and his colleagues, James Meredith went to Ole Miss. Because of Mr. Doar and his colleagues, legislation like the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Act of 1965 were passed. Because of Mr. Doar, a massacre did not take place in Jackson, Mississippi in the summer of 1963.

For the contributions of his life's work, he was recently awarded the Medal of Freedom by President Obama:

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Obama's last statement about Mr. Doar's work is so powerful, "I think it's fair to say that I might not be here had it not been for his work."

And then there is the moving exchange between them as Obama gives him the medal. I'm trying to imagine what Mr. Doar must have been thinking...what he must have been feeling. To be awarded the Medal of Freedom by a man who (had he been alive) would not have been allowed to vote--let alone run for office of any kind--when you set foot in Mississippi in the 1960. I can't even begin to get my brain around it. To watch them shake hands...I wonder what the President said to him? I wonder if Mr. Doar ever imagined that his work would pave the way to such a historic moment? And in 50 short years. I sob when I watch this. The historical magnitude of the moment is just too powerful for me:

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I think sometimes it's amazing how people (or their stories) come into our lives at just the time we need them. I find this quote from Mr. Doar about how he and his colleagues in the Civil Rights Division of the Justice Department viewed their work so incredibly inspirational. The wisdom of seeing the bigger picture and doing things because of their long-term implications, not their short-term gains...exactly the kind of thing that gets you through a long campaign or the impatience of wondering if you'll ever make a difference in the world. I've used Mr. Doar's words as motivation on quite a few fronts in my life in recent months. I remind myself that we do things because they are the right things to do...because they are the things that make sense. I carry these words with me:

"I have often wondered how the Division could have gone about its assignment with such enthusiasm. For a long time I attributed much of it to youth, to what Joseph Conrad calls that moment of strength, of romance, of glamour—of youth. Now I think I’ve found the answer. The spirit of the Division lawyers assigned to enforce the Civil Rights Acts was governed by what President Havel of Czechoslovakia calls a philosophy grounded in hope. This kind of hope is not the same as optimism. It is not a willingness to invest in an enterprise that is obviously heralded for early success, but rather the ability to work hard for something because it makes sense, not because it stands a chance to succeed."

Indeed. 

**For more on the life work of Mr. Doar (in his own words) here is a wonderful article from the Florida State University Law Review.

June 2: I'll Be Right With You!

What gives you nightmares?

(Kassie)

You know, I hate remembering my dreams. I hate it because when I wake up, I feel like I haven't slept. And I never have any good dreams. Nothing ever occurs to me in my sleep. I never wake up full of great ideas or invigorated by a novel thought. I don't even dream any hot, sexy dreams. I just endure awkward amalgamations of whatever is going on in my life at a particular point in time. And these "dreams" just make me feel like I'm right back in the middle of whatever is already going on.

Lame.

The nice part, however, about not having any good dreams, is that I don't really have any bad dreams either.

The Next Door Cafe - New Richmond, WI
Hostess/Waitress 1990-93

Except the bad waitressing dream. Uff da. That one still haunts me at least a couple times a year...even though I haven't poured a cup of coffee or flirted for a tip in almost 4 years.

The bad waitressing dream is the one where I start my shift and no one is in my section. The first table gets seated...it's usually a family of 5 or 6. And they take forever to order...lots of questions, lots of calling me back over before I can get away. While I'm stumbling through their order, another table gets seated in my section. And then another. And then another. And I can't get to them...I can't get away from that first table. And all the tables look mad. And they write me off before I even have a chance to introduce myself.

Meister's Bar & Grill - Star Prairie, WI
Waitress/Bartender 1993-95 & 1999 (summers)

Sometimes this takes place in restaurants in which I've worked. Other times, I'm dream-waitressing in my real-life favorite places (like Al's Breakfast or even The Modern). But every time, it's a disaster. I wake up feeling awful and defeated. And it sticks with me all day.

I realize this isn't a real nightmare. Nothing tragic happens. No one dies. There aren't even any gory monsters or anything.

It's just so frustrating, because I never even get a chance to prove myself. Man, I hate that dream.

I did so love waitressing, and even though it was always a part-time gig for me I always tried to treat those jobs with as much respect and reverence as I did any other professional role. I prided myself on being a good waitress. I worked hard to create sincere relationships with my customers. I got to know my "regulars." It was hard to leave The Broiler in 2008...after 4 years of Sunday mornings with the same folks coming in at the same time...eating the same food...doing the same crossword puzzles. I miss them. I wonder how they are. Is their routine the same? Even after all this time?

Sincere relationships also helped create community and support when customers got out of line. I must have had more gumption than I remember as a teenager, because one morning, at The Next Door Cafe, one of the regulars (an older guy named Russ) got up to go sit with another table right as his order was coming up. "Don't you want your breakfast," I called, as he walked away. "You can bring it to me over here," he said, "That's what women are for anyway."

I stopped short...about 3 booths away from his new seat...and slammed the plate down on an empty table so hard that the toast fell off the plate and the yolks of the over-easy eggs broke. "Carry it your damn self," I said. And all his buddies...all the other old-timer men who came in for coffee at 5:30 a.m. on the weekends? They cheered and clapped like mad. And Russ got up to retrieve what was left of his breakfast.

I also tried to use my smart, sassy sense of humor to foster relationships and smooth over tough situations in the middle of orders. Sometimes I even used it to come to my own defense. My favorite example of "sense of humor to the rescue"?

St. Clair Broiler - St. Paul, MN
Hostess/Waitress 2004-08

It was a busy Sunday morning at The Broiler. I was waitressing in the front room (per my usual), so I had 3 booths (4-tops) and the whole counter (like 10 stools). The booths were full and there were quite a few people at the counter. I was running my ass off. This family placed their order, and the guy said to me, "I want my milk with my meal" (I hate that, by the way...I'll bring your milk when I have time to bring your milk, thank you very much).

Fine. Whatever. So I poured his milk and put it in the cooler so I could bring it out with breakfast.

The order comes up. I load the 3 huge, piping-hot plates on my arms and head over to the table...omelettes and French toast and hasbrowns and bacon. Lots of it. As I begin to turn around to grab the guy's milk out of the cooler--right on the other damn side of the counter--he quips, "You forgot my milk. It's a good thing you work in St. Paul. You'd never make it in Minneapolis*."

I turned on my heel, grabbed the milk, returned to the booth and set it none-too-gently in front of the guy. "It's a good thing I'm working on my PhD so the world doesn't have to suffer with me as a waitress," I said.

This pitifully sheepish look flashed across the guy's face. "Touché," he said. His behavior was quite lovely for the rest of the meal. And he left a great tip.

I think that's why the waitressing nightmare bugs me so much. I never get to remedy the problem. I never get to win them over with my wit or my sass...or with my mad waitressing skillz. I never get to form the relationship. I never get to make things right.

Once you've waitressed, it is always a part of your identity. It's an experience that never really leaves you...no matter how long you've been away from the work. I expect that waitressing nightmare will be with me forever...and that's perfectly fine. Those were good days...rife with nostalgia. I loved my customers...I loved those restaurants. I'll endure a frantic dream from time to time, if it helps keep those memories alive.

___________________________

*There's a little Minneapolis/St. Paul rivalry, just in case you non-MSPers were unawares. Us St. Paulites are happy to let the Minneapolitans think they're hipper. It keeps them across the river and out of our perfectly lovely city.

June 1: Carrots, Kindred Spirits, and Strychnine in the Well

With what fictional character (book, movie, TV, etc.) do you most identify? Why?

(Kristen)

The nicest compliment I've ever been paid (or at least the one to which I sentimentally hold fast) went something like this:

Have you ever read the Anne of Green Gables books? Because you remind me of Anne. You're just like her.

I don't remember the name of the man who said this to me...though I vaguely remember his face. He was a regular that we always saw at the baseball card shows...one of the dealers that I bought cards from on a regular basis. Mom and Dad would take me to a few card shows a year...often at the State Fair grounds or hotels in the Twin Cities. Dad would look for old Milwaukee Braves cards, and I would track down every piece of Kirby Puckett* memorabilia I could get my hands on. I still have them all in binders...the pride of my childhood, carefully preserved.

Of course I have the bag from the
Kirby Puckett pancake mix. Don't you?!

"Do you have this one?" the Anne-of-Green-Gables guy would say, sliding a rare Kirby Puckett card in front of me. "It's from Canada. They came in packages of snack cakes. I bet you've never seen it before. I'll give it to you for practically nothing, because you're my favorite." I'm sure "practically nothing" was really "way more than what I could get ever get for it again." He was one of the men who always chuckled and challenged me when I approached their table--the pre-teen girl from Wisconsin who collected Kirby cards--"I've got one for ya...I bet you don't have this one!" I usually did have the cards they proffered, as I was quite a collector...though that snack cake card from Canada really was a rare find. I still have it. In the original cellophane.

Speaking of Canada (and their greatest contribution to children's literature)...let's get back to Anne of Green Gables...Anne Shirley. I think the compliment meant so much because the guy didn't know me at all...and yet he perfectly matched me to my literary idol.

Maybe I need to reread these
this summer...

Anne was the heroine of the Lucy Maud Montgomery books I read in elementary or middle school (after I'd finished the "Emily of New Moon" books). She was the bright face portrayed by Megan Follows in the PBS series. She had an irrepressible, inextinguishable joie de vivre. She had a vivid imagination and a beautiful soul. She was adventuresome and independent and smart.

Even as an adult, I identify with Anne for many reasons. Her flair for the dramatic. Her romantic view of the world. Her loyalty to her family and her pride in her home.

I loved Anne. I still love Anne.

As I think about the goal of my blog and the criteria I've established, Anne is in keeping with many of my key values. Perhaps that is why I've always been so drawn to her story.

Tomorrow is always fresh,
with no mistakes in it. 

First and foremost, I aspire to replicate Anne's optimism and enthusiasm. Anne gave you this sense that anything was possible. Even if she seemed afraid or insecure, she forged ahead. Sometimes brilliantly...sometimes clumsily...it didn't really matter...forward she went...with all sorts of gusto.

I've always tried to channel that indefatigable spirit. I've tried to harness her positive outlook. As I mentioned in my very first post, I turned her name into a verb. As in, "I'm trying to Anne-of-Green-Gables that cranky old so and so." It's about breaking through barriers and forging connections in a positive way. It's about never writing people off.

Next, I love how Anne's distinctive personality was always rife with unabashed glee. Even when she was in the "depths of despair," there was really something gleeful about it all. Maybe it was her dramatic nature...and all the hyperbole...but there was always just so much joyfulness about everything Anne did...about how she approached life.

I think there's a lot to be said for loving the little things in life. I think it's important to seek out joyfulness everywhere you go. I get excited about cookies with lots of frosting. I love to listen to the rain falling against the roof. I revel in random connections with people on the bus, even though I'll probably never see them again. Anne taught me to stop and appreciate the beauty...to bask in the glee. It's all around us...we just have to make sure we take notice.

Finally, I value how sincere--how earnest--Anne is. For all of Anne's imaginative intractability, she couldn't possibly pretend to be anyone but exactly who she is. She can recite poems and act out plays. She can create fanciful existences and embellish the mundanity around her. But it's never fake...it's never insincere. It's always very true to who she is...from when she was a young girl to who she grows into as an older woman. Anne is consistently herself, no matter the situation. I admire that about her more than anything.

I think it's easy to be swayed by our situation in life...by new jobs or new friends or new neighborhoods. Why do we let these things change us? Especially if they aren't changes that we necessarily want? Why do we lose track of who we were? Anne never lost herself. Anne won people over...Anne coped...Anne conquered...all while staying true to the core characteristics that made her her.

I loved Anne when I was a kid. I still love Anne today.

____________________________________

*On a less joyful note: Part of growing up is being honest about the realities about your childhood heroes...if "hero" is even the right word. There was plenty of (deserved) negative media about Kirby later in his life and after he died. This article was particularly damning. I make excuses for none of it. It all just serves as a reminder about who our true role models should be. But we'll talk more about that on Sunday, June 3. :)